Punishing Perfectionism
by BelleoftheBookstore
Summary: This story is based on a theory that I have on what of one of the other sides might be like (includes an OC). It's based on an observation that some of the smartest people in many facets are also the most perfectionistic. TW: Self-harm, Panic Attacks (any others, let me know) Any feedback is very much appreciated as I want to improve my writing in general. I own nothing.


Punishing Perfectionism

A Sander's Sides Fanfiction

TW: Self-harm, Panic Attacks, any others, let me know.

All rights go to Thomas Sanders' and co. I own nothing.

Chapter 1:

"...So you see, that's what inspired me to add the character of Deceit to my videos. For example, if a friend's sweater is ugly, you can't just say that it's ugly, you have to be able to say that it has _character _or something. You have to have the ability to lie in some situations, but lying all the time can obviously be a big problem" Thomas was talking very quickly, excited about his newest skit idea, "Can Lying Be Good?", which included an additional bowler hat claude side.

Joan's face pinched nervously. "Do you really think that my sweater is ugly?"

Thomas got intensely anxious, realizing what he just implied. "What?! No! Of course, not. That's just an example."

This didn't seem to quell Joan's fear, clearly Thomas accidentally struck a nerve. "Because I just got into knitting and it's a relatively new thing, so I just want to know if I look like a blind grandmother." He gestured down at his newest creation for the fall. "Maybe I should just give up, maybe it's stupid-"

"Listen." Thomas held up his hand to shush his anxious friend from spiraling further. "It was a dumb example. I didn't mean anything by it. Your knitting is great."

"Okay…" Joan trailed off, clearly wanting to drop the subject. They continued to talk about story ideas for a bit, but his heart wasn't in it. He hoped Joan didn't notice.

Chapter 2:

Later that night, an unusually dishaven Logan and an even more disheveled than usual Virgil snuck off into the library after the others had gone to bed.

"I don't know why Thomas keeps having such awkward social interactions. I thought that by learning techniques to quiet his social anxiety, he would be better. Maybe I haven't learned enough-" Logan looked uncharacteristically nervous.

"Don't blame yourself." Virgil interrupted. "I'm the one causing him to have such ridiculous fears. I thought that since you guys have started to accept me and he started going to therapy again, that maybe I would have less ridiculous outbursts. Maybe I'm just lying to myself…"

"Did somebody say lying?" A familiar bowler capped side walked in the library without warning.

"_Sweet Evanescence!"_ Virgil nearly jumped out of his skin, but tried to hide it. "Where did you come from?"

"You mentioned lying, which prompted me to listen to this conversation on my way home and I thought that maybe I could help." Deceit's silky voice almost sounded concerned.

"What do you mean when you say ''help"?" Helpful to Thomas or helpful to your ends, whatever those may be." Logan had a book clenched in his hands almost like he was prepared to use it as a weapon.

"Helpful to Thomas of course." Strangely, Deceit actually sounded sincere. "You know better than anyone that we all function as parts of Thomas' personality. It stands to reason that we need to help Thomas, at least at some point, in order to justify our existence in the mindscape."

That logic made a strange amount of sense given the source, Logan found himself nodding before shaking his head to clear it. He stood in front of Virgil as he was shaking at the prospect of being in front of someone who had used him like he once had, again for the third time in two days.

"_Relax." _Deceit said quietly. "I don't tend to cause unnecessary harm."

"What do you mean when you say "necessary." Because-"

"What a wordsmith you are! Why would I expect anything less? You are the voice of reason after all. Tell me, Logan, do you know about B.F Skinner's concept of positive punishment."

"Of course." The indignant side went into full dictionary mode. "An aversive stimulus when applied to a situation can decrease-" His eyes went wide as he realized what Deceit was implying.

"Yes, deary. You want to use _all _available knowledge to try to help Thomas, right? _It's your job after all._" Deceit's words seem to stick in Logan's mind rather easily, maybe they made some logical sense. Suddenly Logan was angry.

"Of course I want to help Thomas, what use would I be if I was just a wealth of useless…" He stopped talking because he realized that Deceit was touching his right arm, it felt _strange_.

"It's okay, sweetheart. I wasn't meaning to imply that you weren't doing your job. Interpreting it as such so automatically might be a little illogical, don't you think?"

Logan nodded, but was otherwise frozen in thought.

Deceit moved closer to Virgil who was shaking, but was still standing there with his hands in fists without budging.

"_My darling, _how far you've come and how far you have yet to go. Do you really want to stop just because the results may get messy? Sometimes messes are necessary to live a fulfilling life. But the mess should be kept in here." He touched Virgil's left arm. It felt even stranger than before. "You don't want to bring them down right? Thomas… his friends… Your friends… Logan… Patton… Roman. You've grown to care for them so much that you'd do _anything_ to prevent them from suffering for no reason. Especially if that reason is part of your job description. I'm not saying that you have to make any rash decisions. I'm just suggesting that you think about it." Deceit then slunk out of the room without another word.

For a moment, the pair stood there in stunned silence. Then Virgil broke it by saying timidly, "What s-s-should we d-d-do?" Then he immediately shut up, he hated that he was stuttering again.

Finally, Logan got out of his trance-like thinking. "I think we should go to bed." His voice sounded more monotone than normal. "Adequate sleep is necessary for optimal cognitive abilities. We can decide what to do in the morning."

"S-s-should we t-t-tell the others?" Virgil sounded very scared and vulnerable.

Logan was quiet for a moment because he had two conflicting thoughts fighting for validity. He finally settled on a compromise. "Maybe later, but not right away. We know how Patton and Roman can get. We don't want to worry them unnecessarily. I'll come up with a solution. Please try to get some sleep, okay?"

All Virgil could do was nod as Logan started to lead him out of the confusing maze that was the library.

Chapter 3:

Virgil was awakened late the next morning late the next morning by Logan softly nudging him and saying, "It appears that we might have a problem."

It frightened Virgil that Logan's voice was still monotone. It made him even more afraid when he realized that his arm (or at least a small amount that was peeking out from under his trenchcoat) was itchy and red as if Thomas had been bit by a spider the night before.

"Do the others have these?" Virgil asked as he tried and failed not to itch his left arm.

"No, they don't. I made the rounds earlier today. It appears that you and I are the only ones with this particular affliction." It was suddenly obvious to Virgil that Logan had bags under his eyes and his arm was even redder than Virgil's, but was otherwise strangely put together.

"What does this mean?" Virgil asked.

"If the rash has a meaning besides the obvious theories of spiders, bugs, or an allergic reaction, I'm ashamed to say that I haven't yet "connected the dots" as I think the saying goes."

"That's how it goes." Virgil smiled a little at Logan's literal nature. "In the meantime, what do you think we should do?"

"I think the only thing we can do is continue our respective jobs and try out anti-itch creams so as not to itch it and potentially get an infection."

"That makes sense. Ugh, you should have woken me sooner so that I could have helped you come up with a solution."

"It's okay. Adequate sleep is important for optimal-"

"Yeah, I know." Virgil interrupted Logan's recitation of factoids. "It's just… I didn't sleep very well last night."

Logan looked like he wanted to ask more questions, but then decided against it. Logan started to walk away, probably to look up images of rashes to see if anything matches theirs.

"**Wait!**" Virgil said louder than he intended. Logan rushed back in and then Virgil managed to whisper, "We shouldn't tell the others. It's nothing, right?"

Logan merely nodded. It seemed like they were on the same wavelength.

Chapter 4:

Soon after Logan left his room, Virgil decided to get out of his pyjamas. He was relieved to discover that his trademark purple and black hoodie, unlike his Paramore shirt, managed to cover the rash entirely.

He then heard a timid knock on the door. "Hey kiddo, I just wanted to check on you." He heard the paternal voice of Patton say.

Virgil opened the door and saw that he was holding a plate of eggs, a cup of water, a familiar stuffed cat of Patton's, and some Excedrin that he proceeded to set on Virgil's desk on top of his notebooks. "Logan told me that you had a migraine and that I should just let you sleep. But then I wondered if I should be concerned about you."

Virgil's head suddenly buzzed with curiosity. Logan apparently lied to explain his absence at breakfast. He felt bad, but he never said that he had a migraine. He didn't even know Logan was capable of lying…

Fear suddenly made Virgil nauseous and he thought about telling Patton everything that had happened in the past twelve hours. Including the strange desire he suddenly had to scratch his arm until he didn't-

However, something stopped this idea. A thought. _You don't want to bring them down_. He didn't want to frighten Patton over a dumb rash, a dumb thought, and some things Deceit said to him and Logan.

"Yeah, I did have a migraine earlier. I probably just need to take something though and it will go away eventually. Thank you though." He suddenly rushed in for a hug.

Patton was surprised, but embraced him in warmth. "Of course, kiddo. You know, you can tell me if you're in any kind of pain. Then, I can do my best to help. By the way, do you know if anything strange is going on with Logan? He looks exhausted and he's taken to wearing his trenchcoat indoors. I asked, but he just told me that he was cold and was working late… It's not like him to forgo sleep and face the consequences, not sense he learned how serious that can get."

Virgil became nervous that Patton was already noticing these things. Maybe keeping things a secret was more of a challenge than Logan seemed to think. But then the thoughts came back even louder. He took a deep breath to prevent from shouting.

"I don't know what's going on with Logan, but I can check on him in a bit."

"That would be nice of you. I hope you feel better soon." Patton playfully messed up Virgil's bangs and left the room.

Instead of giving in to the noise in his head that usually caused pure panic, Virgil decided to take a note from Logan's book, since he seemed to be taking one from his…

He opened his newest notebook and wrote on the back on a poem that he now found completely dreadful.

True or false?

Chapter 5:

Later that day, Roman took to wandering around the house singing Disney music from his phone while trying to think of new video ideas in an attempt to cheer up a mysteriously sad looking Thomas.

He was singing, "WHEN I WAS A YOUNG WARTHOG!" when he saw Logan come out of his room for the first time since breakfast.

"Can you keep it down please?" Roman noticed that his voice mysteriously lacked normal cadence. "I know that music can be mood lifting, but I can't hear myself think."

"Wow, I must be pretty loud then." Roman said, but the joke clearly didn't land. "Say, is it just me or do you look a little like Hot Topic's twin today?"

"I don't follow. Since we are all part of Thomas' personality, we typically have very similar physical forms unless-"

"Slow down, automaton. I merely meant that your hair is even more Lego-like than normal and you look like you haven't met the Sandman in a while. Are you feeling okay?" Roman's voice now had genuine concern.

"As we've already established, I'm not an expert on feelings." Logan appeared to be leaning against his bedroom door, almost like he didn't want Roman to enter. "I understand basic psychology, but actual feelings are the responsibility of the rest of you each taking separate roles. So as long as I am well enough to do my job, I am, as you say "feeling okay."

"Okkkkaaaayyyy." Roman said slowly and dramatically. Logan was acting even weirder than usual in his opinion. "Can I see what you're researching today?"

"**No!**" Logan said in a voice that was more like Virgil's when he was sounding alarm bells in Thomas' head. "I mean…" He seemed to notice that he was frightening Roman. "I'm not done yet and I don't like people seeing my work until it's perfectly completed."

"I understand…" Roman understood perfectly, but was still very concerned._ How in Hadestown was Logan able to sound so much like Virgil? _He didn't know. He didn't even have any creative theories yet. All he knew was that he had to talk to Patton and figure out what to do.

Chapter 6:

Later that afternoon, Logan knocked on Virgil's door right as he finished his list and was determined to ask someone. He just wasn't sure who to ask.

As soon as Virgil answered the door, he knew, he would not be asking Logan. Between the strange hair, the tired eyes, the trenchcoat and the way he said, "I finally have a solution," he kind of looked like a mad scientist.

"What is it?" Virgil said.

"Follow me and you'll see." Then without waiting for a response, he drug Virgil to the library.

On the board where there was usually organized charts and graphs, was a confusing flowchart connected by strings. In the center of the library (which was connected to his bedroom by a small hallway) was a collection of objects including anti-itch ointment, shaving cream, and something more sinister.

"What is a-?" Logan interrupted before Virgil could even finish his question.

"Not to be rude, but everything will be explained to the best of my abilities momentarily." He said as he locked the doors. _Why on Earth was he locking them in the library? _Virgil's thoughts shouted, but he knew that he would be interrupted if he tried to ask.

"I don't mean to scare you more, but you know how Roman and Patton are, they would never understand this. However, before I can explain that, I need to explain my deductions."

Before Virgil could even say "Okay," Logan began talking very fast.

"You see. The itchy rash on our arms doesn't match any allergic reaction, bump, or other normal injury. This perplexed me but then I realized that this is where Deceit touched us last night and it was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I think that he is trying to use his powers of deception to send us a message without outwardly saying it. And according to basic neuroscience, the left side of the brain controls the right arm, which is colloquially associated with logic and rationality." He held up his right arm. "And the same line of thinking can apply to you, except it's associated more with emotions. And if you apply B.F. Skinner's theory of operant conditioning, the likely solution to both our itchy arms and Thomas' constant social anxiety is simple."

All Virgil could do during this explanation was to stare at the sinister object. The thoughts in his head seemed to get louder. He knew what Logan was alluding to.

"Is that why there's two of them?" He asked quietly.

"Precisely. Good deduction skills." And almost as if Deceit was hearing them, their rashes started to burn and have an imprint of scales. And even though the pain was overwhelming, he had one big fear.

"Are you sure this plan won't hurt the others? Hurt Thomas?"

"I-"But whatever Logan was going to say was interrupted. They were both being summoned by Thomas. And they both had a razor blade in their hands.

Chapter 7:

While the other two were in the library, Roman found Patton in the kitchen making hot chocolate.

"Howdy, Roman. You need to try this."

Roman took the Disney mug from his hands. The hot chocolate tasted intensely sweet.

"I decided to do a little experiment and mixed dark, milk, and white chocolate together. I might have gone a little overboard."

"That explains why it tastes like Willy Wonka's entire chocolate factory. Anyway, Pat, I think that there's something bad going on in the mindscape." He was talking very fast.

"True, I have noticed that the others have been out of sorts lately. That's why I decided to make a warm drink. It might help." Patton took a drink and then had to put it down because his hands were shaking.

"Maybe I've been spending too much time with Emo and Specs, but I think that something bad is going to happen and we need to plan for it."

"Perhaps, but what have you been noticing, kiddo?"

"Well I haven't seen Emo all day, so who even knows what's going on with him? And Thomas has been weird all day. I can't get him interested in any of my ideas and all he wants to do today is sleep and hide in his room. And Specs, well he kind of scared me today, if I'm being honest. He's been wearing his trenchcoat inside all day, he's barely left the library or his room all day and he looks like he never slept last night." Patton nodded. He's saw that Logan was a little downcast and when he went to check on him, he gave non-answers, although that could just be his general confusion with his own feelings.

"That's not even the weirdest part though. After I asked him if he was okay and he gave me the answer "as long as he is useful, he is okay," I asked him what the heck he was working so hard on. An _innocent_ question, I think. And he… yelled at me. When I tried to enter his room/library area… And he sounded like Virgil does, when he's so afraid that he's affecting Thomas' actions."

"Wow…" The paternal side crossed his arms to try to stop his hands from shaking. "I didn't know he could do that... It's unlike Logan to be so secretive."

Suddenly, Roman connected some dots and his mug of saccharine liquid connected to the linoleum with a large crash. He knew that borrowing Logan's synonym book for writing would come in handy.

"Roman?" Patton asked with fear in his voice. "What do you know?"

"I think that Deceit is involved in this." replied Roman.

Chapter 8:

When Thomas woke up from an accidental nap late that afternoon, he felt strangely out of sorts. He knew he had an anxious night, but he wasn't quite sure why the hell he slept so much today. He just knew that he didn't want to say or do something stupid, otherwise he might… He didn't even know yet. He just wanted to finally feel _okay_ for longer than a few days and he wanted his friends to stop staring at him when he was freaking out, probably hoping he would stop and thinking he was dramatic. _There could be an unorthodox solution to this, maybe-_

His train of thought was interrupted by his phone ringing. It was Talyn, one of Thomas' other friends.

**"Don't pick it up!**" A familiar frightened voice yelled. "**You'll just say something stupid as usual and she won't want to talk to you anymore**."

"**Pick it up!**" It was a voice that he'd never heard yell quite like that before. "**You need to feel in control otherwise…**" Then there was sudden silence. He then heard two quieter sides say, "What's going on?"

Thomas impulsively decided to pick up the phone at the last minute. "H-Hello?"

"Hi Thomas. Joan called me and said that he nearly had an anxiety attack at your house yesterday. His parents were really getting at him about his grades and finding a job and he said that he was already feeling down when you said something weird about his sweater… I'm sure you didn't mean to offend him, he has just been dealing with a lot and…"

"**This is what you do, this is what you always do. You never learn. Dogs are easier to train than this…**" Before he knew it, he was crying and scratching his arms. He then heard a scared voice on the other line.

"What did you say? You were muttering really fast. Are you okay?" That's when Thomas realized that he said that last thought _out loud_.

"**You absolute idiot, why didn't you shut your mouth. Why did she need to know?" **This voice came from another side entirely…

Chapter 9:

As soon as Roman and Patton appeared, Deceit vanished like a slippery snake. On the screen to the real world, it showed Thomas sobbing and scratching his arms while sitting on the sofa.

And then, the mental version of Thomas appeared in the mindscape. He still had tears running down his cheeks and scratches on his arms. However, the version looked more angry than anything. "What the hell is going on here?!.. I've never felt this feeling so strongly before… And now all I want to do is hide and-"

Thomas stopped talking because the others realized that Logan and Virgil were fighting.

"Give it to me, Logan! This feels wrong. There has to be a better way." There was already one long line of blood on Logan's arm.

"This is the best option. I am the one at fault here!" There was a foreign lump in his throat as he said this.

Finally, Patton couldn't stand this anymore. "No, it's not!" He yelled. This immediately got the boys' attention as he never yelled. Roman quickly grabbed both blades and threw them away while they were distracted by the blue moon of an angry Patton.

"If there's one thing I know about the mindscape, it's that a problem is never just one side's fault. Most problems are too complicated to blame on strong anxiety, a horrible lie, a bad idea, or a perfectionistic thought pattern alone. In any case-"

However, Virgil was starting to realize something and wasn't even registering Patton's observations. Even though Logan could be a little hard on all on himself, he would never be able to find the logic in Thomas hurting himself. That sounded a little bit too much like.

_No, it couldn't be. I thought I was the only one in this room who knows of his existence._

They were interrupted because they heard a sound in the real world. The external Thomas heard it too because he froze. It was Thomas' voicemail. Apparently, his phone was ringing and none of them had noticed.

"Hey pals, it's Thomas Sanders." The recording said cheerfully. "You know what to do." After the electronic beep, they heard the voice of a familiar and scared friend. "Hey Thomas… It's Taryn. I guess you accidentally hung up on me after freaking out about something… Look, I'm worried about you. I'm coming over to your apartment. You can send me away at the door if you want but… I need to know that you're okay." Then the message ended.

After that, Virgil started talking very fast and loudly. "Okay, I know you're not the real Logan. Logan would never find the logic in hurting Thomas, even if it could fix his flaws. He knows that there's better ways to become a better person. The jig is up, show yourself Percy, and tell me what you did with Logan."

"Fine." And then Logan's figure started to change into a character with an immaculate orange shirt that had all of their symbols on it in a neat row, eyes with dark shadows surrounded by square glasses, and dark black pants. Everyone gasped in terror except Thomas, who was silent with shock

"Wow," Percy said. "I'm surprised that you became this smart, Virgil. I'm used to you being the anxious little baby that ran away because we were _so mean_ and you decided that you needed to help rather than giving Thomas all of these anxious feelings that he didn't understand the purpose of. How noble... and how stupid. It looks like you caught me in a lie. Guess I'm not as good as Do-Deceit. But that doesn't mean you'll catch me now." And then he disappeared like into a perfect ball of smoke.

Roman finally came up with a way to break the silence, along with a plan."Okay!" He put his hands together. Speaking to the Thomas sitting near them, he said. "Can you promise me that you won't hurt yourself or anything before Talyn gets here to check on you? Because if you do, I swear that I will be tempted to slap some sense into you which won't be good for any of us." He smiled at his joke, but it quickly faded. "I know you're confused right now and believe me, I am too. But trust me, we will get to the bottom of this and then we'll explain everything to you. You just have to keep us safe in the meantime." He then turned to Virgil and said, "Hey bud, I'll have Patton get your side of the story since I'm nervous that we might… clash again…" He sounded ashamed of how badly they used to misunderstand each other.

"I understand." Roman then realized that Virgil's hands were cut from trying to take the blade from Percy.

"He'll also get you patched up… You're brave, you know. Old Specs or whoever he is is kind of scary on the rare occasion that he-" He then realized. _He had to find Logan, the real Logan before-_ He couldn't even finish the thought or his sentence. He just ran out the door.

Chapter 10:

Suddenly Patton and Virgil were in the common room alone. "Do you want to get your hand patched up and then go to my room, Kiddo?"

Virgil nodded. He wasn't ready to talk just yet. But Patton understood and that was enough.

After some time passed (time always felt weird when he was like this, always too fast or too slow), Virgil was sitting at the edge of Patton's bed, staring at his hands. The contrast between his black nail polish and the Hello Kitty bandaids Patton put on him was almost funny. _Almost_.

"Can I join you, kiddo?" It was interesting to Virgil how awkward Patton was being considering that this was his room. But Virgil merely nodded, scotting over so that he could lie down on the pillows. While doing so, he picked up Woofers, a plush golden retriever that resembled one that Thomas had in his childhood and started petting his fur.

"So, what's your side of the story?" Patton asked after a moment. This started an avalanche of words to pour out of Virgil's mouth.

"I've been thinking for a while now that I should be getting better faster. And that I just bring those around me down. I just tried to deal with it myself for a while. I even made a list of what negative thoughts that confused me so I can check with someone else later to see whether I'm just an idiot or not. However, eventually I found out that Logan was also having similar thoughts over time, especially after social events or when he gets an answer wrong. Except his are kind of twisted since he doesn't like to admit that he actually has feelings. And then… Deceit shows up." His breathing gets a little shallower.

"Kiddo, you have to breathe. You can slow down if you need to. It'll be okay… In… Out… Good." Patton gently helps him with a familiar breathing exercise.

"And then, Deceit shows up." He blinks rapidly while talking about Deceit. Patton suspected that Virgil was blinking back tears. "He spoke a lot of sweet nothings that I recognized. But he also said some logical things to Logan that actually seemed to make sense to him. And then… he touched me." His speech got a lot faster. "It wasn't like he touched me before. It left a rash on both.. Percy… I guess, and I that we found the next day. And he somehow communicated this whole plan to Logan that had something to do with B.F. Skinner and razors. I knew that Logan wasn't being his normal self, his logic was all twisted and cruel. And that's when I started to suspect that it was him and not Logan, but I thought I was the only one who knew him, so I don't know why he would go after Logan. I didn't want to believe it was him, I knew we should tell someone regardless. But I was scared… So scared that maybe I wasn't getting better fast enough and that they might be right to do this, because I always bring everyone down… Especially Logan and Thomas… I shouldn't have let him touch me again. I'm sorry." And then he started crying, curled in on the old plush to avoid Patton's gaze.

"Oh kiddo. I'm so sorry. Can you look at me?"

Ashamed, Virgil pulled himself up. "None of this is your fault. I suspect that Logan has been horribly hard on himself for a long time. It's part of his nature and his tendency to avoid his emotions, along with recent events just caused the problem to reach a breaking point. I think that Percy must have been visiting Logan a lot more often than he let on, helping him get to the point of running off somewhere." Patton to a deep breath, he was literally shaking with anger at Percy. "And telling people about something as serious as self-harm or even thoughts of self-harm is such a hard thing to do, it's natural to be scared or even deny that something's wrong. Also, please remember that you have become a better version of you, even if it doesn't always look like it. Progress isn't linear. All you are trying to do is keep us safe… We want you around, kiddo."

"I wish I wanted myself around more often." And then the tears were back.

"Oh sweetie… do you want a hug?" Virgil nodded and accepted Patton's warm and soothing embrace.

Chapter 11:

Roman couldn't remember being this scared before. As he darted around the confusing corners to the place he thought Logan was. What was creativity without logic? Thomas would never get a thing done without order keeping everything grounded. Roman finally found him hiding behind a bookshelf about natural disasters. The strange thing was that Logan wasn't crying or even moving, he was just staring at a spot on the wall nearby. The intellectual side had clearly retreated into himself. Roman sat against the wall opposite him. Logan did nothing to stop this. This is why Roman had a feeling that this was really Logan.

"Hey, Specs." Roman said gently. "Are you-?" He stopped short of asking a very dumb question. However, it was like a switch flipped in Logan and he sprang up and started pacing back and forth.

"Riddle me this, Roman." The monotone was replaced with an almost cruel tone, as if a poison had entered his entire system. "What's a puzzle with some pieces? A computer with too many bugs to function properly? A personality part that's too stupid and emotional..." He almost spat the last word out. "To do his fucking job properly, putting the entire person at risk. What does that sound like to you? Because I think that sounds a little bit preposterous… So the solution here is to either fix that part _somehow _or-"

"CAN YOU PLEASE STOP?!" Roman yelled. He had to stop this million word an hour path to self-destruction. "Please." He said sadly. "You're hurting me."

Suddenly Logan stopped pacing and his legs bent down almost as if he lost strength in them. Roman walked toward him and realized, to his surprise, that the typically level headed side was crying silently.

"What is this, Roman?" He asked quietly as the tears ran faster.

"Well those are tears, bud. Humans tend to cry them sometimes when they're in pain, physical or emotional." Roman purposely tried to sound like the crying comrade's usual self.

"No, I meant, what is this?" He drew an air circle around himself with his now slightly clotting arm. "I feel as though I deserve to be punished. But that just hurts everyone else around me. But if I don't learn, I still hurt everyone else around me. I'm not used to feeling…"

"All of that…" Roman finished. "And to me, that sounds like a lot of self-hatred, incredibly high standards, guilt, and r-reprention. Is that the word?"

"Repression is the word. Oh god, I'm so pretentious. How do you any of you stand to be around me? Maybe you don't really want to be around me? Oh god, what if you are all pretending? What if I'm just pretending? I can't…" He was now sobbing in between gulps of air. "Logan… Logan. Listen to me." Roman was trying to remember exactly what Virgil taught him when his fear of never having a truly original idea turned into an existential crisis the last time Percy paid him a visit. "Your nervous system is in overdrive right now. You need to tell it that you're okay. You're not running from a bear. You don't have to run from anything right now. So breathe in for seven and out for four." He started to count. His breathing was still shallow and rapid at first, but then slowed down and deepened after a couple of repetitions.

"Good…" Roman said kindly in between repetitions.

"Thank you." Logan said after a while. "I'm not sure what has gotten into me lately." It relieved Roman to observe that Logan's voice had returned to its normal tone and cadence, just a little quieter.

"I don't know either. I have guesses, but that is all. So why don't you tell me what has been going on lately and we can try to figure it out? Does that sound like a good plan?"

Logan nodded and tried to settle himself by taking a few deep breaths. "I should start by saying that have had these thoughts for a while. It's ironic. I want to be a creature of logic because that I can understand. Feelings on the other hand, sometimes make no sense. Like why does the idea of a simple failure make me want to cry at times? I think that's part of the problem though. I don't always understand nor want to understand what I'm feeling because it doesn't come naturally to me. Anyway, I guess all of this insecurity must have been as appealing as Crofters Jam to Percy because he started paying visits to me a couple of months ago." Roman was shocked that Logan could stand having Percy whisper such things to him for that long. It had only taken days of him whispering to him that his ideas weren't original and that Thomas' career would never last because his ideas sucked before he was crying uncontrollably and Virgil could sense it…

"He told me that it was all my fault that Thomas' anxiety was still so bad. That I understood psychology, but still wasn't helping him enough. That every mistake I made, everything I forgot, was making everything worse. Eventually, it got to be so much that I confessed that I was concerned to Virgil while leaving a lot of details out. Including the bit about Percy talking to me, which in hindsight was ill-advised… And then Deceit showed up while we were talking and everything that Percy was saying to me clicked. I was still concerned that all of this would be an illogical decision, but that didn't seem to matter." Logan lifted up his right arm and Roman realized that it was far worse than Virgil's rash. Roman felt sick to his stomach. His arm now had the veins highlighted in black, but the skin around it was now almost jaundice in color.

"I felt very feverish and nauseous which is probably why I didn't do the responsible thing and tell someone. Or even think to get Virgil to tell someone, God, I'm such an idiot." Roman put a gentle hand on Logan's left shoulder. He hated that he was still being so hard on himself. "And then I fell asleep, for the whole day. Until I woke up about twenty minutes ago and knew that something was wrong, but was too drained to get up… I didn't even get up to get into bed. I'm guessing that's when Percy disguised himself as me and did God knows what. And the dreams, they were horrible. Everything I did was wrong and I felt like such an idiot. And then… you guys told me that I wasn't doing enough. That for such a patronizing git, I wasn't even all that smart, that you guys… were better off without me." Logan closed his eyes and lowered his head into his head.

"Logan, look at me. You are a part of our puzzle. It wouldn't be complete without you. The rest of us aren't even that good at puzzles. Besides, I think that you and Virgil are the ones that understand what is going on here the best. I think that we need to find the others in the common room and have a nice long chat. Hopefully Thomas didn't do anything rash while we were here."

"That sounds like a good idea." Logan's voice was slowly starting to sound normal. "And Roman?"

"Yes, Logan?" Roman had started to stand up, but turned to face Logan.

"Can you help me up?" He said sheepishly to the prince. "I just realized that I haven't consumed in over 24 hours and between this and the poison, I feel a bit weak."

"Of course." The Disney nerd responded. "Just take it one step at a time."

And with that, they slowly made their way to the common room.

Chapter 12:

Roman entered the common room with Logan's good arm linked to his and two jars of Crofter's plus a spoon in his other. Logan's bad arm was shakely carrying a cup of milk since he knew he _shouldn't _just consume his sugary comfort food.

The others had clearly beat them there. Patton was in his cat sweater with a conjured puppy in his lap. The puppy was fast asleep in the large open pocket. One of his arms was petting the sleeping puppy and the other was wrapped around Virgil, who was mostly submerged in a fluffy _Nightmare Before Christmas _blanket. Thomas was on a chair opposite the large couch with Patton and Virgil. He also had a blanket draped around him, but there was enough of a gap for Roman to notice that there were several band aids on each arm. Roman was glad that he is okay. He could only guess what kind of thoughts were still dancing in their host's head when they went to do their own things and Tayrn came over. He was glad she was there.

Not wanting to disturb the sleeping puppy or the anxious Virgil, Logan took the closest spot on the couch, which happened to be next to Patton, while Roman sat next to Virgil.

"So," Thomas said when they were settled in. "I guess we have a lot to talk about."

They went one by one, starting with Thomas and ending with Virgil, and explained their side of the story. They soon realized that they all, except Thomas, had been visited by Percy directly, however only Virgil knew or guessed that they had been visited by him. The rest assumed that none of the others knew who Percy was, as they had tried very hard to keep that a secret. Even Patton was told by him that he wasn't a nice enough person and if he didn't do enough nice things for those he loved, that Thomas would go to hell. Towards the end of Virgil's story, he mentioned that he had a theory about what the dark sides might be trying to do, because he used to live with them. It was clear on the others' faces that they were holding back their intense curiosity.

However, Patton still said, "You don't have to tell us tonight if you don't want to. There's no rush, kiddo. We've all had a long night."

"Y-yeah, good. It's a long story and I already feel kind of..." Virgil stammered awkwardly.

"Emotionally drained?" Logan guessed. Then he uncharacteristically replied, "Me too."

They all laughed. Then Thomas spoke up,

"If that's the case, then I'm going to go back to the real world and go to bed." Thomas said. He looked exhausted.

"Good idea, kiddo. Let us know if you need anything." Said Patton.

"Thanks guys. Good night." Thomas said this, smiled, and then disappeared from the couch.

Logan was starting to shakily rise from the couch when a cocooned voice said, "Guys…"

"Yes, Virgil?" Logan asked.

"Do you think that we could maybe have a sleepover tonight? I know it's weird, but I keep thinking about Percy… and Virgil… and…"

"Of course, Virgil." Logan responded. "It's cool with me at least. It might help me keep the poison-laced dreams away too…"

"Pixar movie?" Roman asked, knowing that Logan liked those too. "At least until we all fall asleep."

And with that, Roman and Patton gathered up blankets and pillows from all of the rooms while the others organized them on the floor.

They decided upon Wall-E, which Logan would normally occasionally whisper theories and sarcastic comments back and forth with Virgil to. But he fell asleep within 15 minutes of the movie starting, lying in Patton's right arm. The others were surprised, but relieved, he probably needed the sleep. Virgil was next to fall asleep as the cute robots flew around the Axium, cuddled in his blanket and Patton's other arm. Roman was next as the Axium was speeding toward the abandoned Earth. His arm was outstretched to the point where it just barely touched Virgil. Patton was last as he wanted to see the entire movie and more importantly, make sure that his friends were okay. Soon though, he turned off the TV and fell asleep right after, already preparing for the day ahead.

To be continued in a future sequel:

Fiends on the Other Side


End file.
